so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
