NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
