If i come over, it means nothing
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
