Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
