3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
