my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
