Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
