I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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