Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
