I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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