ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
