I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
