She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
