And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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