We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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