Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
