how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
