You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
