It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
They are going to name an STD after you.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
