Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
