I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Screwed.edu
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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