if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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