the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
