You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
