i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
