Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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