My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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