I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
