some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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