BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Even my vagina gasped.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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