so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We just shotgunned beers for America
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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