You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
