I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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