he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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