Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
