he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
