That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
