I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
