Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
