Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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