I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
