if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
