Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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