Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
