Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
