Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
