yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
