I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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