Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
