im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
