someone threw a dead crab at me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
