Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
